The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

“The Great Stone Sculptor started the first battle? Oh my, I didn’t expect her to be so hasty.”

When I heard that the Earth Elemental Lords had begun fighting each other, I wasn’t surprised at all. After all, rather than fighting after the Earth Elemental Throne revived itself, it was better to clear out one’s enemies while one could still be proactive and gain control of the situation as early as possible.

A battle was never something that required both sides to agree to. It could even be said that a battle was never something that both sides wanted. As long as one side felt that their side had obvious advantages and could reap huge benefits from the battle, it would only be a matter of time before a battle exploded.

The current Earth Elemental Plane was just like a wild animals’ arena that had lost its manager. All the wild beasts were locked together in a single cage, and when they learned that there was now a spot available for only one of them to rise to the top, the strongest beasts among them began to unhesitatingly get rid of those who were capable of threatening them. The weaker beasts, on the other hand, began teaming up with others in hopes of gaining benefits. And, so, a chain reaction of battles began.

With the lure of becoming the Earth Elemental God as the end prize, I could foresee that this battle between the Earth Elemental Lords would probably last several hundred years.

While the Earth Elemental Plane was busy sinking into chaos, the seemingly peaceful mortal plane was in an even bigger amount of trouble.

Lorci’s death, the Queen of Storms’ promotion, and the shaking up of the Gods that had remained consistent for the past thousands of years was more than enough for those who were waiting in the shadows to begin taking action. Not to mention that these two Gods weren’t the only two who were either lucky or unlucky.

Emordilorcan’s death shocked the entire world. It wasn’t only that—I had also confirmed through my channels that the Fire Elemental Goddess had also mysteriously perished, which ended up benefiting a certain Fire Sea Demon Marchioness. There were only two out of the four Ancient Elemental Gods remaining now, and the two still alive were the weaker two among the four. This caused a chill in the hearts of all those who were undying, and also caused ambitious individuals who weren’t satisfied with the status quo to begin taking action.

However, none of these individuals was the best “newcomer.” This glorious title was obviously taken by Wumianzhe. He had been promoted from a city’s judge “that nobody had ever heard of” to the Law God, then from a Weak God to a Middle God, and now he had even obtained the Divine Obligation of Guardian God of the Northlands and was being worshiped by the national churches of the numerous northern countries. The path he took would typically take other Gods over thousands of years to accomplish, but he did it in a mere two years. This was far above the level of any epic or legend, and everyone found it inconceivable.

A successful example would doubtlessly bring many imitators, such as the undying ones that wanted to become Gods themselves, as well as the ancient Gods that were forgotten by history. None of them wanted to miss this “opportunity” that was so hard to come by, so they began taking action.

Some of them began organizing various barbarian tribes, some woke up their own tribes from deep hibernation, and some even freshened up their appearances and personally strode forth. In the past month, news about encountering the supernatural had already surpassed the amount of the past ten years’ combined encounters. Various border clashes also reached the highest peak in thirty years.

“Giant Flame Demons have been spotted in the Amu Mountains. They seem to be the descendants of ancient Giant Demons. They attacked the hunters living in those mountains, and seem to be claiming the area as their own territory. It’s said that they possess characteristics of both elemental creatures and the living, and are incredibly powerful.”

“A strange creature has appeared on the Kazlan shoreline. It’s reported to resemble an octopus that can walk. These octopuses use wondrous engineering tools and mind magic. They’ve been enslaving the local humans for labor purposes, and they’re building a semicircular-shaped tower reaching the skies.”

“The southwest mountains’ elven kingdoms have made an announcement. They’ve announced an elven alliance, and have begun forcing all humans living within their borders and near them to leave. The Elven Gods have remained silent on this, but without their support, such a thing could not possibly happen.”

“The eastern human kingdoms have broken off all contact and business relationships with the other kingdoms, and have even begun to kick out the other kingdoms’ ambassadors… Ever since they started believing in that strange voodoo religion a hundred years ago, I’ve expected this day to come. Sooner or later, they’re going to transform into something inhuman that doesn’t resemble either demon or human.”

“A new type of half-human has appeared on the Aimon Plains. Their adults appear like young human children and are slightly less than half of an average adult human’s height. They have beast ears and are incredibly skilled at beast taming. None of this is the most important—the most important is that their females are all incredibly cute! It’s basically a heaven for lolicons… so many members of the Gentlemen Alliance have volunteered to be among the first for a scouting or ambassadorial mission, but in order to avoid racial disputes, not a single member of the Gentlemen Alliance was permitted to go.”

“A storm is about to come.” I was certain that even the stupidest person would think this after seeing the many clear warnings of the upcoming war. After the preliminary battles that signaled war were finished with, it was obvious that a major storm was brewing.

The only part that was worthy of celebrating about was that the Northlands, which had just experienced a battle, was now abnormally quiet; in fact, it had become abnormally isolated.

“It seems that killing our enemies off has been effective. At least, for the time being, no fools will be rushing to attack the Northlands.”

Perhaps in the eyes of most of the undying, the Northlands had already become Wumianzhe’s territory. At least, for a short while, nobody wanted to challenge this new hotshot rising star.

This temporary peaceful respite was also what I wanted. In order to truly rule over all the numerous northern countries and establish the Mist Alliance, even if it was a rather loosely-regulated alliance, it would require a lengthy amount of time.

However, merely passively responding to threats was a bad idea. This was just like playing chess. Even if you managed to establish control over one tiny corner, if you lost the entire game because of that, there would still be nothing you could do.

“Using the name of East Mist or my name to interfere with affairs may cause many troubles, and Wumianzhe’s intervention would likely cause the other Gods to team up to attack him. I need a more neutral identity… perhaps that mercenary group Absolute Gentlemen Alliance will be useful here. It seems like it’s time to have a good discussion with Beifeng.”

After some consideration, I felt like that mercenary group, which I established just for the fun of it, was probably the best identity for me to intervene in the continent’s affairs. Although the Gentlemen Alliance had an excellent relationship with East Mist, thanks to Beifeng and the others’ efforts, their finances and organizational structure were all independent. It could be said that they seemed governmental but actually weren’t governmental at all. This type of mercenary group definitely had the potential to act across borders and was the most appropriate group through which I could take action.

“I almost forgot! I’m even the leader in-name of that mercenary group. Yep, it would seem like there’s plenty of tricks I can use.”

Actually, it was only when I finally returned to the mortal plane that I learned that this joke of a mercenary group had already become the most renowned mercenary group throughout Eich, with branches in every country. Those bastards used my name while hiring more members, and every official in every country had to give them face. Probably, in most outsiders’ eyes, this mercenary group had become my private soldiers.

Of course, this was doubtlessly something that most lords feared. In history, there were plenty of examples of how mercenary leaders became kings or emperors themselves, but there was a unique, special internal relationship within East Mist. Mainly, Reyne and I had a subtle relationship, and most of us were happy to see this mercenary group expand. In fact, they even viewed the Gentlemen Alliance as a type of backup governmental official.

Governmental military troops were always going to be limited. In this era where the strong ruled, military might for self-protection would forever be necessary. Mercenary jobs would always be popular, but if they lacked a well-disciplined organization, it was possible for mercenary groups to only occasionally be mercenary groups and turn to thievery during peacetime. This was especially true if you hired some mercenary groups to transport valuable goods—you would have to worry about the mercenaries themselves turning into bandits.

And if the mercenary group received an ill reputation, they would just have to change locations and continue doing what they always did. In this world where conflicts never ended, people with martial prowess would never fear not being able to find a job.

However, compared to most common mercenary groups, the Gentlemen Alliance had an excellent reputation in the eyes of the public.

“Although they charge high prices, their overall strength is quite strong, and they’re very trustworthy. Although their members are rather strange, they’re all good people. Even if there are complaints about the strange habits of their individual members’, there are currently zero complaints about them regarding professional work ethics. Their employers’ reviews about them are also very high.”

This was the Mercenary Guild’s review of the Gentlemen Alliance, which further improved their trustworthiness.

“Yep, that uncle volunteered to help me find my cat. He didn’t even accept my spare change. He said that I only needed to hold my doll and smile at him for payment. And they always have candy in their pockets! They’re so nice.”

This was the strange statement that came from a loli who hired their services. The people that heard this statement had even stranger expressions afterwards.

“Most of their grunts are local youngsters and retired soldiers, while their middle and upper ranks have many well-known strong individuals that are even heroes from this recent war against the beastmen. The most important part is that the leader of this mercenary group is actually His Highness Roland. Even if they charge slightly higher fees than average, it’s reassuring to know that they’re trustworthy. However, there is one rumor which says that the members that join them will become stranger and stranger… that must be a rumor spread by those who are jealous of them.”

The Gentlemen Alliance was considered trustworthy, strong, backed by the East Mist government, and always had familiar local members. Not to mention that countless numbers of people hired them, and the most important of all, they had many achievements racked up from the war against the beastmen. It would have been strange if they weren’t able to make it big with all these factors.

And, so, even though this mercenary group had an absentee leader (me), and the number two leader (Beifeng) always acted ridiculously as he pleased (he always only did the things he was interested in), this strange mercenary group actually managed to have excellent internal organization and keep expanding. Now, it was the largest mercenary group in all of the Northlands and was well trusted by the citizens. It imperceptibly became a faction that could no longer be ignored.

And, in the distant Northlands, the things that I wanted were actually well in progress.

As my hand-picked “substitute,” Elisa performed as expected. After receiving all those reports about the abnormal, Elisa unhesitatingly sent out a huge number of scouts and spies. In fact, it was at her request that the Gentlemen Alliance began building branches in all the other countries and that the Administrators of Justice from the Church of Law began traveling to other countries.

“Waiting for news to come to us while we shut our doors is definitely unfeasible. Right now, we need a large amount of information. The more the better. Especially information regarding the undead as well as the Bardi Empire.”

Actually, there were some things that still hadn’t been reported to me yet. Among the chaotic amount of information that came in, one piece of information that had been treated as an urban myth attracted Elisa’s attention.

“The Bardi Empire discovered a large skeletal door constructed of white bone. According to the records, it seems to be a dimensional door from the Undead Plane! Not only that, this dimensional door seems to have already existed for a year and a half.”

This piece of information was only a tiny secondhand rumor, but Elisa viewed this information as incredibly important. While the other countries were still treating the upcoming Undead Calamity as a joke, she had already sent out her own informational resources.

“Summarizing the abnormal movements recently happening in the Bardi Empire, if the truth of this report can be verified and if this dimensional door’s existence can be verified as well as the fact that it has remained peacefully in the Beldi Empire for over a year, then there are many things that we need to reconsider.”

But before she finished any of her preparations, a new order interrupted all of her current preparations.

“A celebration? At such a time? Has Roland gone crazy again?”

Yep, a letter had just arrived for Elisa across dimensions. This letter explained in detail that a celebration should be held at the end of winter for a holiday I termed as the “Day of Peace.” I also mentioned the programs that should be performed during this holiday, such as organizing a circus performance, a military parade for the citizens, an end of winter hunting competition, and inviting diplomats from various countries to a banquet.

“There’s less than a month until the set date, so how could things possibly be finished in time? We haven’t even resolved our long-term food supply issues, and now we’re supposed to arrange an extravagant celebration? During a celebration, food resources will be used up at three times the normal rate!”

Just the diplomacy and business negotiations required for the Mist Alliance were already overloading the East Mist Communal Country’s government officials. At such a time, giving them less than a month to prepare a national-level celebration seemed absolutely impossible.

It was said that after seeing the contents of my letter, there were numerous government officials that were so shocked that they collapsed on the ground, and the hospital ran out of emergency beds.

“His Highness Roland is trying to kill us. Even if we work our hardest, this can’t possibly be accomplished.”

This was already what everyone was thinking in their heads, but a certain person forcefully suppressed all complaints, worked overtime to create a list of tasks for everyone, and forcefully succeeded in advertising this holiday.

“Sister Kelly, there’s no need for you to listen to Roland’s ridiculous request. There’s no way this plan can be carried out in time.”

Yep. As the highest-ranking female government official, and Kelly was, in actuality, the civil official in East Mist with the highest authority. Only she could force such a plan by using her longtime authority and accumulated respect. But even Elisa couldn’t bear to see all the government officials that had fatigue and frowns on their faces. And, so, she decided to directly come find Kelly for a discussion.

Kelly suddenly broke out into laughter at hearing this.

“You still don’t understand Roland well enough. It’s whatever if others think that he’s being ridiculous, but if even you think so as well, he’s going to be very sad.”

Elisa didn’t understand. Was there supposed to be something behind this sudden celebration?

“You see, this may seem ridiculous, but it’s actually something really important for us. Organizing an end of winter major hunting competition, this matches with one of our original goals. By the time spring arrives, the hungry wild beasts will naturally begin dispersing, and it’ll be much more difficult to deal with them. But now that the war is over for now, it’s obvious how much distaste the soldiers and citizens have for military things right now. Organizing the soldiers on a large scale to hunt down the beasts may not be a good thing for us, but if it’s something like a hunting competition, that’ll easily motivate everyone.”

“Then, what about inviting all the other countries’ important diplomats for a banquet, as well as organizing a grand military parade? We haven’t even resolved our food supply issues! Isn’t it too wasteful to be spending extravagantly right now?”

Kelly shook her head at this. She elegantly turned around and gently caressed her hair—it seemed like she was secretly laughing. She seemed to be exclaiming at Elisa, and her eyes appeared to be filled with a mature seductiveness.

“When I first saw his request, I didn’t understand it either. But after closer consideration, this is a marvelous move to solve our current diplomatic and business negotiation problems. It seems that even if little Roland hasn’t been personally participating, he’s always been considering our problems.”

“Huh? What? How is that even possible?” Rather than questioning, this was more like complaining. It would seem that Elisa had accumulated a significant amount of complaints against me.

“You see, inviting the important diplomats to a banquet here is doubtlessly an excellent chance to solve some diplomatic issues currently on our plate. And as for showing off our soldiers in a military parade, that’s also the perfect opportunity for them to observe our new weapons, troop types, and combat mechas.”

“You’re saying that arms deals will be made?”

Elisa truly began considering things for the first time. Being a supporting army in name but actually making arms deals was a task that had long since been on the list of things to do, even higher up than ensuring the steady supply of our new products or resolving the food supply shortage. According to the original plan, making arms deals should have been put in place right after the beginning of next year’s spring via middlemen merchants.

Logically reasoning it out a little, now was a chaotic time, with all the countries all preparing for possible combat. East Mist had become well renowned from its recent battle, and if they organized a military parade with the goal of showing off their newest developed weapons and technology, perhaps it would attract many important officials from other countries to their banquet. At that time, it would basically become an auction house, where they could raise prices as they pleased and make massive profits.

After she came to the conclusion, Elisa finally understood and looked at Kelly with a complex expression. In a way, for Kelly to understand Roland better than herself who was supposed to be Roland’s girlfriend made her feel a little jealous.

“At least that circus parade is just for the heck of it, right?”

Kelly shook her head. In her mind, that was the most important part of all.

“Actually, when I saw it at first, I also thought it was just his whim. But thinking over it more carefully, we overlooked his intention. Roland must have noticed some things that we didn’t because we were too close to affairs here.”

Kelly walked up to the window as she talked and opened it. Things outside were flourishing; redevelopment of the older city areas and the construction of new city areas were proceeding at full speed. With plans for new crops for the next year and the reorganization of the military, everyone outside was busy for various reasons. Although most appeared to be tired, they still seemed to be in high spirits.

“Too many things have happened recently. Although everyone is working hard for the future, a string that’s too tightly wound will snap easily. There will be so many things to be done next year as well, so we’ll be even busier in the future. If we can have a year-end celebration to help everyone relax and celebrate our victory for a few days, it’ll help everyone to mentally end this chaotic year.”

Elisa fell silent for a moment before she nodded in agreement. “Perhaps Roland has another meaning behind this as well. Actually, the Red Hunting Hounds have acted in a circus before at Sulfur Mountain City, and Roland wrote in the letter that he intended to personally watch the performance. He probably wants to use this circus as an opportunity to establish a closer relationship between the living and the undead.”

Kelly couldn’t help but chuckle.

“I didn’t think of this. As expected of little Roland’s girlfriend.”

Alright then, this sudden direct attack caused Elisa’s cheeks to flush red, and she seemed like she didn’t know how to react. Soon, however, she adjusted her glasses and calmed down. It was just that she was now looking at the letter that seemed so thin yet contained such deep meaning.

“Let’s begin; we don’t have much time. We must prepare the most marvelous celebration before Roland returns.”

“Yep!”

And several days later, when a thick celebration plan arrived in front of me via the gnomes’ expensive dimensional transportation device, I had complex feelings about it.

“…We will do a good job with the preparations. You can relax. We didn’t expect that you would take so much into consideration.”

Harloys read the addendum at the end in a tiny voice, and she spoke up with a tone of astonishment right afterward.

“Oh my, I never expected your celebration to have so many objectives. You’re really amazing! And they actually understood what you wanted. You’ve picked up such excellent subordinates.”

After a moment of hesitation, I decided to tell Harloys the truth.

“Actually, I didn’t think of anything at all. I just wanted to have a grand party…”

“Then why did you want to have a celebration? And on that particular day?”

“…It’s just to celebrate our victory; I didn’t think into it at all.”

“That’s all?”

Harloys’ was filled with disbelief. Since she was connected to me in heart and soul, she could sense that I was still hiding something. I felt awkward about being stared at by a loli like her, so I could only nod helplessly.

“That day… is actually my birthday… Why are you looking at me like that? I worked so hard and achieved so much; I can’t even have a grand birthday party for myself? My requests aren’t really that much! I just wanted to watch a circus, have some fun while hunting, and attend a banquet. This isn’t too much, is it!”

Harloys wiped away some cold sweat as she glanced over the three hundred and forty pages of the celebration plan that definitely contained far more hard work and sweat than I ever put in. She was now beginning to sympathize with the normal people working under Roland even more.

This plan covered everything and was incredibly detailed. It couldn’t have been completed without at least forty or fifty individuals working overtime for two weeks straight, but it was actually finished in just three or four days. It could only be said that its creators definitely made it with blood and sweat, with all their passion.

“This time, you’re forbidden from telling the truth. Just do as it says in this plan. Otherwise, even I will want to beat you up.”

I could only nod at this. What else was I supposed to say?