Second Try Idol

‘...Is this what trendy people do these days?’

Even after Goh Yoo-Joon left, I didn’t immediately adapt to the situation or start moving or smash things. I felt awkward and tapped the bat on the ground and looked around.

Frustrating moments? There had been too many frustrating moments in my life, but just because I was in this place, suddenly getting angry and acting out wasn’t really my thing. I just spent a few minutes blankly looking at the props in the room.

Smash things and be angry? How? It was too embarrassing and awkward to see myself acting like that just because I had a stage set. I had always been the type to internalize my rage rather than shout and break things.

‘...But I should try anyway.’

If I didn’t try something like this, I felt like I wouldn’t be able to satisfy Reina’s demands no matter what I did.

I sighed, standing up by using the bat as support. I put my earbuds in and stood in front of a plaster bowl.

♪ The endlessly falling snow is only white,

Just sad without you in it

Now the distance with you is too far,

Even your voice doesn\'t reach

Kun-Ho’s famous breakup song “Goodbye Snow" was playing in my earbuds.

‘Once I start, it will be easier from there.’

It was time for me to get into it. Didn’t I do the same during music broadcast sessions and during Cha Cha and the filming of Slacker Number One’s music video? The first time was always the hardest, but it got easier after that. Well, this was a bit different, but I could have the same mindset.

Listening to the breakup song, I turned off the lights in the room and tried my best to remember the times I was really angry. The lighting accident, being fired, being belittled, and falling behind came to my mind.

Wow. The real anger started to well up more genuinely than when I tried brainwashing myself that I had been dumped by my imaginary girlfriend.

I lifted the bat high into the air. “I loved you!” Oh, non-existent love!

And then I smashed the item with all my might.

Crash!

The plaster bowl shattered into pieces with a satisfying crash. I was startled by the louder-than-expected sound that pierced through my earbuds for a moment, but soon I felt a surge of emotions creeping up.

‘What is this?’

Just one smash left me a little breathless, my head was clearer, and I felt a rush of energy.

“What the…” I felt much more relieved than I expected. No, I felt really good.

Crash! Boom! Thud!

Every time I broke something, the satisfaction of seeing it shatter clearly made me feel thrilled. I smashed everything from mannequins to TVs to plaster vases and threw the water balloons prepared in one corner madly against the wall.

Smash! Boom!

Honestly, I didn’t really know what I was angry about. But multiple things had mixed together, and there was definitely enough anger within me to break all the props in this small room. Rather than the pain of a breakup I had never experienced, I was breaking things out of rage caused by many things I had gone through in life. After all, this was a place meant for breaking things, so there was no need to hold back.

After smashing things for a long time, I was out of breath. My arms and body ached from all the swinging.

‘Is this backfiring on me?’

Or was this right?

“Huff... Huff... Wow....” I felt like I was going to die from exhaustion. My tired voice would now come out very well, but the room was a mess.

What I needed was to showcase being sad, teary-eyed, exhausted from anger, but now I had smashed all my emotions and felt relieved. Listening to breakup songs through my earbuds? It was no use.

“Phew, I should come here from time to time.”

I felt unbelievably great. I put down the baseball bat I was holding without hesitation. When I checked my phone, Goh Yoo-Joon had already returned to his friends.

However, my worries regarding my ability to recapture the heartbroken feeling for Reina’s song due to my current vivid emotions of joy faded quickly. By the time I arrived at the company, I found myself once again in awe of Goh Yoo-Joon\'s idea.

‘I’m sleepy.’

Once the adrenaline that had boiled under my skin started to drop rapidly, I became exhausted. Unlike Jin-Sung, Yoon-Chan, and Goh Yoo-Joon, I didn’t enjoy working out, so the fatigue felt even more intense.

I tried to recapture the necessary emotions by listening to breakup songs continuously on the way to the company, but it made my already weary body feel even more sluggish. I was just exhausted. I forced my half-closed eyelids to open out of habit and pushed the door to the recording studio.

In the studio, Reina, Kun-Ho, and Su-Hwan, were eating lunch boxes along with staff.

“You’re here? You returned earlier than I expected.”

“Oh, yeah. You’re eating?”

“Yeah, do you want some?”

“No, I’m fine.” I refused the lunchbox Reina offered and sat in a corner, listening to music so as not to disturb their meal.

Reina called my name loudly. “Hyun-Woo!”

“Yes?”

When I took off my earbuds and looked at Reina, she stared at me intently and then nodded with a satisfied exclamation of ‘Mhm!’

“It looks like you returned with the right emotions.”

“Ah, haha.”

There seemed to be a bit of a misunderstanding, but I couldn’t exactly tell her I had just been smashing things in a rage room, so I just nodded. After everyone finished eating, the recording session resumed.

“Hyun-Woo, don’t be too tense. Let’s try to sing with your voice relaxed.”

I took a sip of water and a deep breath, trying to capture the right emotions as I began to sing.

♪ What dreams do you have?

The darkness settles in so coldly

When I open my eyes, it\'s night

When I close them, I see you

My heart aches unbearably

‘Oh.’ As I sang, I realized something. The voice of someone singing while lying down in bed and staring at a window after coming home from a breakup and making a mess wasn’t all that different from a voice of someone tired after smashing things in a rage room.

‘Oh, why is this working?’ As I sang with the same emotions I usually did, Reina’s satisfied voice came through the intercom.

“Great. That was really good. Do you want to listen to it?”

“Keep it up, okay?”

Seriously, how did this happen? Is Goh Yoo-Joon a genius or what? My voice naturally relaxed, and as I listened to the backing track, all the scenario-making from the past helped me quickly recapture the required emotions. The issue wasn’t my feelings or vocal skills. It was my tense vocal cords.

Reina was unaware of the truth, and she gave me a thumbs up. “The beginning is really important. This song isn’t about building up emotions since it’s about capturing the feelings right from the start. Hyun-Woo, you’ve been working hard, huh?”

The recording continued. There were some parts that took longer, but we finished smoothly overall.

“Where were you? You weren’t at the coffee shop terrace,” Su-Hwan asked when Reina was giving instructions to the director.

I told him about my time with Goh Yoo-Joon, and he shook his head as if he had heard something he shouldn’t have.

“Keep this a secret and reveal it on the radio five years later.”

“All done! Let’s wrap it up for today. Su-Hwan, I’ll be in touch soon,” Reina said.

And with that, the recording session ended.

***

Though there were some brief schedules, having enough time to rest was a blessing. After finishing the recording session with Reina, I took a few days off and packed lightly.

“Is there shampoo there? Should I bring some?”

“Hey, don’t pack too much. You can buy some if you need it.”

“Oh, yeah. Should I pack a toothbrush?”

Our dorm was chaotic and noisy. We were going on a week-long trip to a lodge, so everyone was packing clothes and gadgets.

“Hey, I don’t have space for my laptop. Is there room in your suitcase?”

“Give it to me.”

“Thanks.”

“Hyun-Woo, can you pack the cables for the composing machine too?”

We packed laptops, composing machines, and the younger members even brought game consoles. It felt like we might as well move the whole house. Su-Hwan and Tae-Seong were sitting on the couch, watching us with expressions that said, ‘Do whatever you want.’

Occasionally, Jin-Sung or Goh Yoo-Joon would try to pack too many clothes, and they’d remind them there was a washing machine at the lodge.

“But why is Supervisor Kim letting us go so easily?”

“Huh?” Su-Hwan looked at me while checking his phone.

“Usually, they send us on vacation, but they make sure we have cameras with us.”

Supervisor Kim was known for saying, ‘Rookies can’t afford to rest!’ or ‘If you don’t show your face even for a day, people will quickly forget you!’ Therefore, I expected behind-the-scenes cameras to accompany us on the trip. But this time, there were no staff other than our managers. It was a genuine vacation.

Su-Hwan casually glanced back at his phone. “I have power as a manager, too. You might not know, but my position in the company is pretty high. I don’t have to follow everything Supervisor Kim says.”

Of course, Supervisor Kim had more influence between departments, but if Su-Hwan decided to push back, Supervisor Kim couldn’t always have his way.

“You will only have exposure if you want to upload something on social media. No forced filming.”

“Wow, Director Lee~” Goh Yoo-Joon jokingly swayed over to Su-Hwan by calling him Director Lee playfully.

Su-Hwan shook his head in disgust and stood up. “Come down when you’re ready.”

“Okay!”

After Su-Hwan left, the members gathered their suitcases and headed to the entrance one by one.

“Can we have live sessions on Q-app then?” Jin-Sung asked.

“I will upload the pictures we take at the lodge in the group chat every night. Let me know if there are any you don’t want posted,” Goh Yoo-Joon said.

“If you are filming, be mindful. Don’t do anything that shouldn’t be caught on camera,” Joo-Han added.

I was grateful that Su-Hwan stood up to Supervisor Kim to let us rest without filming, but the Rings would probably still receive real-time updates from our vacation.