The Legend of William Oh

• Jason Salazar

“Absolutely not.” Loth said, making a chopping motion with his hand. “Kobolds are vile, dirty, nasty creatures with room-temperature IQ. Their only saving grace is their appreciation of a good trap.”

Carrie’s brows rose as Loth laid into his own species.

“What if I asked…’nicely’?” Will asked, pulling out the Bullet Wasp Larva from underneath his shirt.

Loth gasped, his hand half-reaching out towards the bullet wasp sample before reaching up to stroke his scaly chin.

“A bribe, eh? What clan did you say they were from?”

“I forgot to ask.”

“What color?”

“Mixed.”

“Really? Must be outcasts. Can we euthanize them once we’re done? No one will ever know I was here.”

“What’s Youth-a-nize mean?” Will asked. “Make them younger?”

“It’s where you put down a particularly sick, or in this case, stupid animal.”

“I’d…rather not?” Will said. Killing people after leading them sounded…not good.

“You will by the time we’re done with them, I guarantee it.”

“Is that a yes?” Will asked.

Loth sighed. “Yes, it’s a yes. Give me the bug.”

Willl handed it over, and Loth promptly unscrewed the glass and plucked out the larva. He held it up to the Tower, almost as if it were a toast to the gods.

An instant later, there was a flash of light and the Bullet Wasp was gone.

“So what did you get!?” Will asked, eager to see his Party member’s enhanced Ability.

“You see that boulder?” Loth asked, pointing.

“Yeah?”

Loth reached out towards his second barrel and imperiously crooked a single black claw.

Where did he get a second barrel?

A black beetle that looked like a chip of obsidian flew up and out of the barrel, and a moment later Loth pointed at the boulder. Will felt the fluctuation in the Miasma around them as some sort of buff suffused the beetle.

The insect’s wings subtly lengthened, its shiny black body armor seemingly becoming thicker an instant before it blasted forward, creating a gust of air that Will could feel.

“Holy-“

Crack!

The boulder split in half around a coin-sized hole in the center.

The beetle flew back to Loth’s finger, its buffs fading.

“My class was always lacking a direct damage option. The bullet wasp sacrifice was able to tilt Master of the Vivarium in a more aggressive direction without losing any of its previous abilities.”

He glanced up at Will, the beetle jumping off the tip of his claw to return to its ashen home.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I was gonna give you the bug either way.” Will said with a shrug.

“I figured. For my next Sacrifice, we’ll need to keep an eye open for Ripleys.”

“I don’t know what those are,” Will said with a shrug.

“They have a stinger which lays eggs in your chest. The eggs proceed to hatch, eat their way out and consume your corpse.”

“Good gods!” Will shouted, while Carrie looked a bit green.

“I’m sorry, it’s-“ Loth began to apologize, but Will cut him off.

“That is an amazing Build! You, Loth, are a genius! How will it work?” Will asked, setting aside the monsters and the time limit to geek out about cool Abilities. Something he’d been wanting to do since he was twelve.

“If my hunch is right, it will upgrade my current direct damage attack to proliferate the insect I shot inside the target, bursting out and consuming them.”

“I love it. No notes.” Will said.

“It sounds like the most awful, disgusting, inhumane thing you could possibly think of,” Carrie interjected, finally speaking up.

“Which is why…no one will ever make me use it on them.” Loth said, his expression flat.

“Goddamn, dude,” Carrie said, backing away from the kobold.

“Alright, keep that…aura of menace,” Will said, motioning around Loth’s general vicinity. “Because we’re about to introduce you to the kobolds.” Will pointed to the wall. “We’ve only got a few hours before daylight.”

Loth heaved a sigh. “I did say yes, I suppose. Fine. Let’s get this over with.”

Having traveled the path before and knowing it was safe, Will was able to guide the other two back to the lord’s castle in a matter of minutes.

“Great one!” The lead Kobold, Grak, said, grovelling down in front of Loth, swiftly followed by the rest of the kobolds.

The Jibleya looked around, confused by the attitude of their kobold allies turning on a dime. Their leader had a look in his eye, though, he knew that Will had seized control of half their group instantly, and if he wanted to avoid conflict he would have to follow.

Loth rolled his eyes at the grovelling.

“Stand up.”

Grak leapt to his feet, but hunched over obsequiously, avoiding eye contact with Loth. Loth taught me that word.

“How did you know I could wrangle them?” Loth asked.

“You’re like three inches taller than the tallest one, an unusual color, and highly educated.” Will shrugged. “You constantly talk about Fil-ah-so-fee while I’m trying to sleep, and these guys have a vocabulary worse than mine. It’s fairly obvious you’re special.”

“Hmph.” Loth grunted.

“Please, Great One! Grant us the honor of forming a new clan!” Grak begged at Loth’s feet. the other dozen kobolds shuffled forward, seemingly trying to get closer as well.

“Not on your life.”

“I gladly die for it!”

“I know. Which is why I said, ‘not on your life’ two seconds ago. Were you not listening?”

“No, Great one! I stunned by Great One’s beauty and strength! Great One’s color, Great One’s sheer size!”

“Yes, I’m aware of my height and color.”

“Still seem pretty short to me,” Will said, patting Loth on the head.

Grak’s tail went straight, his lips peeling back into a feral hiss that revealed a mouth lined with meat-cutting teeth. This was mirrored by the dozen or so kobolds present.

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

I might’ve made a mistake.

“You don’t touch!” He snarled.

Loth held out a single hand, causing the kobolds to fall silent, waiting for his words with bated breath. Loth sighed and made a sour face before he began speaking in kobold’s half-speak.

“Stupid humie doesn’t know what he does. For humies, head-pats are like-like. Won’t do again.”

“Us make sure he never does again. TAKE HAND!” Grak shouted, the surrounding kobolds joining in a cheer, shaking their spears.

“No.” Loth said with a flat expression.

“Kill?” Grak whimpered.

“No.” Loth reiterated.

“It’s fine, you guys. You already took the hand I touched him with. This all happened last week. Remember?” Will asked, revealing his missing hand.

“No, but…did we? Hand missing…” Graks brow furrowed in confusion. The kobolds gathered into a huddle, discussing whether or not they had already cut off Will’s hand.

“Good evening.” The Jibleya leader said, offering his hand. “My name’s Fond.”

“Ah, a Jibleya. I’ve always admired your people’s intelligence and natural talent at alchemy. You know, I’ve always dreamed, in my heart of hearts, that if our species could cooperate, we could make beautiful and deadly things together.” Loth said, shaking the man’s rotund hand.

“That…might just be possible.” Fond said, looking Loth up and down. “…Great One?”

“Psssh, that’s just what kobolds call me, my name is Loth the Luminary.”

“The Loth who published the treatise on mechanical force?” Fond asked, eyes widening.

“And the distortion that Abilities play on the Laws of physics, yes.” Loth said. “Figured it out when I was designing a trap.”

Fond dropped Loth’s hand and began to bow deeply.

“The Jibleya would be glad to work with you, Loth the Luminary!”

“The pleasure will be all mine, I’m sure,” Loth said graciously.

“We remembered! We did take hand, and if Humie touch Great One again, Take all of him!” Grak said, returning to wave a spear in Will’s general direction.

“Understood.” Will said with a shrug, not remotely threatened.

“Gentlemen…kin,” Loth said, addressing both the jibleya and kobolds. “Show me what we’re fighting.”

The surrounding looters nodding enthusiastically, falling over themselves to do Loth’s bidding.

“Sorry about calling you a ‘stupid humie’,” Loth whispered as Loth’s minions scurried around, discussing the best observation spot for ‘the Great One’.

“Sorry about touching your head so often,” Will replied. “I didn’t know it was a kobold thing.”

“I don’t mind.” Loth said slightly too quickly, with a shrug that was slightly too casual.

Will raised a brow.

Loth glanced up at him, and began stammering. “I-I better go keep them under control b-before they try to stick us in some over-engineered deathtrap.”

Loth marched away, his shoulders stiff.

“Hmmm.” Will stroked his chin. “Maybe he’s sick?”

“He’s got a crush on you, you moron,” Carrie said, smacking Will in the back of the head.

It took a moment for Will’s brain to process that, and in the end, he realized that he had no frame of reference, so he defaulted to repressing it with jokes.

“I’ve never dated a kobold before,” Will said, stroking his chin thoughtfully.

“You’ve never dated anyone before.”

“You don’t know me!” Will exclaimed.

Carrie cocked her head and waited.

“Fine, I’ve never dated anyone.” Will admitted. “But that was an easy guess.”

“I would advise against you dating anyone.” Travis interjected. “For their sake.”

“You don’t know me either,” Will said.

“I don’t know, he is kinda out of your league,” Brianna said, dropping out of her silence to opine on the situation.

“Really? You too, Bri?” Will asked.

“It’s not that much of an insult. Seems like he’s out of everyone’s league.” Carrie said, watching Loth organizing the non-humans. “…He’s kinda cute, actually.”

That reminded Will that the humans needed to get to work before morning too.

“Bri, can you take Travis and find something to bake before morning? I’m sure in a city this big there’s gotta be thousands of pounds of flour somewhere. We need real food. Start with the castle’s kitchen. Take a kobold with you to avoid traps.”

“I can do that.” Bri nodded. Travis grunted and followed her over to where the kobolds were discussing adding traps to Loth’s observation deck.

“What are we doing?” Carrie asked.

“We’re looting Travis’s dad’s castle while he’s not looking.”

“Ah.” Carrie nodded. “Smart.”

“Let’s start with the Lord’s office.” Will said, “And work our way back down.”

They grabbed a bag and started filling it with priceless Relics without constraining oversight. Other than the handful of items that remained on the shelf, there wasn’t much. Will rifled through the Lord’s desk, hoping to find powerful Rings he might’ve squirreled away for emergencies.

No, all he found was dumb letters detailing the hottest gossip between Lords. Who was planning on invading who, why the price of gold was going down and how to fix it. Dumb stuff like that.

How does the price of money go down? That makes no sense. It’s money. Will thought, scoffing as he continued shamelessly reading the letters.

The next one was even more interesting.

Our ‘friend’ is up to something. There’s been concerning rumors of monster sightings up and down the Tower. Strange monsters that no one has ever seen before. Ones that do not adhere to typical Floor restrictions for their danger level. I sent an agent to investigate his activities on the second floor. Far too much of his gold, people, and supply flows to it for there to be any innocuous reason.

If he’s behind these monsters, you need to keep a close eye on your surroundings, Reggie. He may have found some method of bypassing the System’s restrictions on using monsters in warfare, and if they’re more powerful than their Floor Restriction…It would be a slaughter.

If this is the case, given your proximity, he could pop up without warning at any time. I’m not just being paranoid, I’ve got mountains of evidence. MOUNTAINS!

I know you won’t, but please, if you feel the slightest doubt in your defenses, ASK FOR HELP! I would be relieved to provide you with anything you need. I’d even go so far as to stage the reinforcements as a marriage. I could marry off a few of my brats to a few of yours to prove my offer is in good faith while simultaneously providing additional security.

• Z

‘Innocuous’, Will grabbed a fountain pen and wrote on his arm, followed by ‘bypassing’ and ‘simultaneously’.

Several hours of looting later, the sun was beginning to rise, and the kobolds ushered them to an abandoned building whose entrances had been boarded up, leaving the only way to enter a hole in the roof.

The rafters of the building provided an excellent view of the street, given the disconnect between the wall and the roof, originally meant for ventilation, but equally good for spying on the street.

The street turned gradually brighter and more orange as the smoke-reddened sun rose above.

They sat there in the rafters of their abandoned house, none of them daring to move, much less breathe as the Tangled came out to play.

“There,” Grak whispered, pointing with a claw, his voice barely audible. “Tangled comes.”

Will waited with bated breath for the new monster to show its hideous face, but a moment later, the creature came into sight, and it was…A naked young man about Will’s age, stumbling through the street with a vacant expression on his face.

Is it behind the Aspirant? Will thought, frowning.

“Is it a shapeshifter?” Loth whispered.

“Yes Great One. Still sleepy. We show.”

A pair of Kobolds jumped out from the alley in front of the dazed-looking young man.

The dazed look evaporated in an instant, followed by an expression of pure hate that seemed to wriggle from the kid’s eyebrows across his whole body and-

Will had to clench his jaw to prevent from gasping in surprise as limbs and torsos exploded from every square inch of the young man’s body, seeming to extend up to ten feet in every direction, creating a…tangle of limbs that began sprinting after the two kobolds with outlandish speed, the hundreds of limbs clawing the surroundings for traction as it passed.

I see where they got their name, Will thought.

ZIIIP!

A series of thick wires whipped out of the nearby walls, cutting dozens of limbs off entirely, but more importantly, they held it in place. The amputated limbs sprouted new ones as the monster bellowed in a roar that sounded like a hundred young men being strangled simultaneously.

The walls around the creature popped open, revealing murder holes filled with kobolds and Jibleya, who proceeded to stab the creature as one.

Dozens of spears penetrated the creature, but it was nearly impossible to get past the thicket of flailing limbs, and any damage healed in a matter of seconds.

The creature finally went down when one of the Jibleya dumped a bucketful of bubbling acid on the creature’s torso, which seemed to put an end to its struggles.

“Sound will draw more. We must go.” Grak said.

They nodded and went back up to the roof and relocated as quickly and quietly as possible, re-entering the Lord’s castle, which was inaccessible from the ground floor.

Once they were safe to talk, Will spilled the beans.

“I’ve seen these things before,” Will admitted. “There was one on the Second Floor, in a cage, guarded by a handful of Climbers.” And it was intelligent.

There was also the letter in Reggie’s desk.

There was something strange going on here.

“On the second floor? These things are tough enough to belong on the seve-“ Travis was cut off as something more important happened.

Discussing plans and plots was important, no doubt, but some things were just more important. Like baker girls with their hair tied back, covered in flour and wearing an apron.

“Food’s on!” Bri announced, marching out into the throne room with an enormous platter filled to the brim with steaming bread.

But it didn’t stop there. Each loaf was hollowed out and filled with some kind of thick stew, spreading the mouthwatering aroma of fat, salt, potatoes and carrots around the room.

Thanks to whichever god brought Brianna to us. I’m not picky. Will offered a quick prayer before heading for the food.

He shouldn’t have bothered praying, because nobody else did, instead mobbing the baker and snatching up bread bowls at an alarming rate.

Now concerned that he might not get one, Will shoved his way into the pile and snatched up a bread bowl, scuttling off with his prize, bowl tucked to his chest with his good hand, elbows out to ward off any competition.

Will’s tactics that he’d learned from the orphanage were rather more similar to the kobolds than Travis and Carrie, who watched with concern as he retreated with his bowl.

They waited politely, and received their bread bowl once they reached the impromptu line that had sprung up, consisting of the humans and Jibleya.

Jokes on them. If there hadn’t been enough to share they would’ve been totally screwed.

Will glanced around for a place to sit and eat.

Carrie and Travis had settled into a conversation at the side of the room, and Will didn’t feel like intruding.

The kobolds were trying to force Loth to eat their food, while Loth was ordering them to eat their fill first. The jibleya had formed their own little knot in the opposite corner, chatting merrily as they ate. Bri grabbed her own bowl and joined Carrie and Travis.

Will looked around for somewhere he could sit. He didn’t really belong with any of those groups, and more importantly, there wasn’t a good spot for a man with one arm to sit and eat his food. No tables.

Oh, there’s a chair with nice flat armrests! I could set the bowl on it without getting it on the floor or my pants.

Will climbed up the stairs and sat down, unhinging his jaw and proceeding to stuff the entire loaf into his mouth. Metaphorically.

About halfway through inhaling his food, he noticed that the room had gone silent.

“WA?” Will asked around the bread bowl in his mouth.

“You’re sitting on the throne.” Travis said.

Will glanced down and saw that he was on a raised dais, in an extremely ornamented chair with brocade velvet hanging above him, framing everything he did in pomp and circumstance.

Will held up a finger and swallowed the massive chunk of bread and stew before clearing his throat.

“I’m William Oh.”