What It's Like Being a Vampire

The first incident took place when kindergarten was starting a themed curriculum, and Xia Libing’s parents bought her a goldfish.

The night before, Old Xia’s father happily shared lots of information about the body structure and physiology of goldfish to his studious daughter.

Unexpectedly, the next morning he found that the goldfish had been dissected by young Xia using one of his study room’s paper cutters.

Seeing the goldfish, glistening clean and neat in its organs arrayed on a sheet of kitchen towel, alongside his daughter who was meticulously examining the fish’s structure, he was dumbstruck.

After Old Xia’s mother woke up, she was equally shocked and repeatedly asked her daughter why she had done such a thing.

The answer she received was, “I just wanted to see”.

After that, young Old Xia dissected several small animals on different occasions and in different places using different tools. If fresh food was bought at home, she would look for chances to dissect it when no one was paying attention.

Little Old Xia, who had just started kindergarten, showed no signs of irritation or madness, but always maintained a calm and rational demeanor. It seemed like she wasn’t dissecting a life, but a toy no different from a ragdoll or a plastic model. This was what really frightened her parents.

Neither rational explanations using soft words nor angry reprimands from Old Xia’s parents could keep little Old Xia from doing things that they thought were utterly cruel and horrifying.

Even the well cultured and mild-mannered father of Old Xia could not hold back one time, and slapped his daughter.

Although immediately regretting and crying while holding his daughter after the slap, little Old Xia showed no reaction, neither crying nor showing any sign of fear. When he released her, she ran to the mirror to look at the swollen red mark on her face.

Her father couldn’t help but think, would she suddenly take a knife and cut open her cheek to see why it swelled?

After that, Old Xia’s parents dared not let their daughter go back to kindergarten anymore, but kept her at home with them.

Not long after, a friend of Xia’s father brought their child over to play. The child accidentally fell and scraped his knee.

Upon witnessing the incident, little Old Xia ran back to the house. Mrs. Xia, who had always kept a close watch over her daughter, immediately followed, only to find that little Old Xia had taken a small pair of scissors from her makeup box and hid it beforehand.

Mrs. Xia quickly stopped her daughter, snatched the scissors and asked her what she intended to do. The answer chilled her to the core: “I want to see his knee.”

So, after a night of discussion, Old Xia’s parents decided to take her to see a doctor again.

Although they still loved their daughter deeply, they didn’t want her to grow up to be a possibly cruel and threatening “monster”. Their concerns were especially heightened by their daughter’s signs of high intelligence, which might magnify the potential danger exponentially.

But just like last time, after visiting countless experts, conducting numerous checks and tests, no problems could be found.

Old Xia’s brain structure was normal, functioned normally, and her nine main neurotransmitters, including serotonin, GABA, adrenaline and dopamine, were all within normal range.

She didn’t exhibit obvious symptoms of autism or any other known psychiatric or psychological diseases, making a definitive diagnosis impossible. As a result, every institution, hospital, expert and doctor could only suggest conservative “treatment plans” which were of no use and deemed unreliable by Old Xia’s parents.

Then, through his connections, Old Xia’s father found a Dr. Li, who had just returned from abroad. She had extensive working experience and theoretical knowledge, and was the primary author of these medical records. After spending a month with little Old Xia, she proposed a treatment plan.

Through FMRI (Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging) and other related brain function tests, Dr. Li found that while Old Xia’s brain had no obvious abnormalities, there were indeed some unique patterns during brain activity.

Old Xia’s neural network may operate differently compared to ordinary people, leading to her distinctive way of thinking.

Old Xia can feel pain normally, but her tolerance for pain is strong. Ordinary people, when pricked by a needle, would instinctively draw back their hand, look at where they were pricked, and even let out a scream. Old Xia, however, would also withdraw her hand, but her first reaction would be to look at the thing that pricked her, then observe the condition of the wound. Although she can feel the pain, it doesn’t evoke feelings of fear or strong aversion in her.

Standing at a height, she wouldn’t feel fear. There’s no tension, and she might even consider throwing other things down or taking a leap herself, just out of curiosity to see what would happen.

While she can use language normally and comprehend what others say, she cannot perceive other people’s emotions, nor does she possess the emotions of an ordinary person. She lacks empathy.

Looking at the obviously scanned images of medical charts from paper files in the PDF, and Dr. Li’s evaluations, Xiang Kun is interpreting them in conjunction with books he had previously read on the subject.

The human brain consists of 80 billion neurons, each connected to about 7000 other neurons, forming a vast and complex network with immense capabilities. All brain activities, including memory, thinking, computations, and even the generation of emotions, rely on this network.

Each neuron is like an electronic device, such as a computer or a cell phone, each with its own function.

Some neurons are only 2 to 4 nanometers apart and can directly transmit electric signals through synapses. This is akin to a direct connection between two devices, which facilitates speedy transmissions.

However, some neurons are 20 to 40 nanometers apart, requiring neurotransmitters to relay signals.

Like USB storage devices, the quantity of neurotransmitters determines the capacity for storage. The larger the capacity, the more the information it can relay.

When a USB drive (neurotransmitter) full of files is plugged into the USB port (receptor) of the target device, the device starts reading the files and works according to the pre-set software, possibly signaling other devices on the network to activate as well.

Many mental and psychological diseases, including depression, autism, schizophrenia, and others, are related to the generation and transmission of neurotransmitters.

Either the USB drive doesn’t have enough storage space, the USB ports are insufficient or faulty, or the electronic device itself is malfunctioning.

But Old Xia’s condition differs from these scenarios. It’s likely that many “electronic devices” in Old Xia’s neural network bear systems and applications different from ordinary people, leading to different outcomes from the same information files.

As a result, Old Xia has a remarkably high IQ and exhibits strong capabilities in learning, sports, reaction speed, and balance. However, the trade-off is her impaired recognition of emotions and feelings.

In simple terms: Old Xia’s brain circuitry is somewhat dissimilar to that of ordinary people.

Dr. Li, after observing young Old Xia for half a month and obtaining her parents’ consent, started treating Old Xia in her own way.

Her approach was aggressive and straightforward: to starve Old Xia until she felt a primal fear, then use this as a stepping stone to influence her other behaviors. The intention was to make her understand what she absolutely couldn’t do and what the reactions of others would be when she behaved in certain ways.

Dr. Li made an accurate judgment. For the young Old Xia at that time, the sensations of hunger and appetite were indeed her best channels for accessing other perceptions.

At this point, Xiang Kun finally understood what the locked room in Old Xia’s dreamland he perceived the first time was all about, and why Old Xia was eating so voraciously in her dreamland.

She had indeed been starved, and when she was very young. She was starved to the point of near death.

However, this method did grant her a comprehension of many things.

One premise upon which Dr. Li based this method was the exceedingly high IQ demonstrated by the young Old Xia. Although she was young, a lot of the communication through matters was unobstructed.

After using hunger to introduce her to the sensations of pain and the fear of death, Dr. Li gradually helped her to identify her differences and understand how to integrate herself into society and relate to other people.

With the help of Dr. Li, Old Xia didn’t miss school, and from elementary school onwards, she appeared not much different from a “normal person”.

Besides not being very talkative and often staring with large eyes at others, her expression a bit wooden, she did not demonstrate any abnormalities.

She started to learn and mimic others’ behavior and expressions and tried to link their outer demonstrations with their genuine intentions, helping herself understand others’ emotions.

Xiang Kun also came to understand why Old Xia decided to study psychiatry and psychology, and why she purposely transferred to Citong Psychiatric Hospital.

The former was, of course, to “treat” herself or essentially to adapt to normal life, while the latter was because she knew that Citong Hospital had a few cases with symptoms similar to the ones she had when she was a child. She wanted to see if she can find cases similar to hers and then find ways to sense and express normal emotions.

However, at this point, she had confirmed that the conditions of the few cases here were different from hers.

Of course, these details were not part of her medical records, but were added by her, including the basic symptoms of those few cases.

Clearly, Old Xia specifically made this document so that he could understand her situation.

After reading the PDF, Xiang Kun returned the tablet to his bag and flipped through the softcover book. There were some old pages, even the material was different from the rest, obviously, they were torn from other notebooks and rebound.

The first few pages contained behavioral guidelines concluded by Old Xia.

Looking at the change of handwriting and the fading level of the ink, it could be speculated that she started making these summaries a long time ago, perhaps in middle school, or even earlier.

The first guideline was:

“Keep smiling.”

But the second one was: “Adjust the smile to various details of individual facial features to make it look natural.”

The third one was also related to smiling: “Different smiles need to be used in different scenes.”

It seems that all these additions were made based on the results of empirical application.

Xiang Kun immediately recalled the moment when he picked up Old Xia at Tongshi Town’s train station when she scared a college student who was trying to flirt with her, using an eerie smile.

He couldn’t help but superimpose that smile on the image of the young Old Xia in the photographs from the PDF file, which amused him greatly, he couldn’t hold back a soft chuckle.

However, upon feeling Old Xia’s gaze on him, Xiang Kun quickly regained his composure and continued flipping through the book.

The thirty-fifth guideline: “Observe more and talk less when you are uncertain.”

The hundred and thirteenth guideline: “What people say often differs from their real intentions. Understand by considering their expressions and behavioral patterns.”

Guideline four hundred twenty-two: “Sometimes teasing people in person and saying unfriendly things are performances of humor.”

The four hundred and twenty-third: “The previous rule should be executed depending on the relationship, or it may lead to conflict.”

Rule four hundred and eighty-nine: “Occasionally verbally attack those you are familiar with. This is a manifestation of closeness. (Note: Only Yang Zhen’er meets this condition at the moment)”

Guideline seven hundred and six: “When chatting on WeChat or QQ, sometimes emojis express feelings better than words.”

The last rule was nine hundred and seventy-two:

“To gain others’ trust, you can firstly express your trust in them. In order to learn their secrets, you can first share your own secrets. (Note: This is specifically for Xiang Kun)”

Xiang Kun couldn’t help but laugh again, then turned back and asked, “How did you come up with these rules?”

Old Xia answered, “Through practical experience.”

Just as he thought he had finished reading and was about to pick up the file bag, Xiang Kun found that there was more content in the back of the book. He flipped it over to find countless notes written against him, all a summary of Old Xia’s observations and guesses about him.

From guesses about his physical fitness, eating habits, behavioral patterns, potential activities during various periods, to the real intentions of his actions, and the analysis and guessing of the usages of various items he sent, including song lyrics in calligraphy, black circle graffiti, chopsticks, and coins, the guesses were already sixty or seventy percent close to the truth.

There were many things that Xiang Kun knew Old Xia guessed, but there were also many things that even he was surprised that Old Xia knew.

He had to admit that Old Xia’s observation and understanding were genuinely beyond his expectations. Of course, this was also related to the fact that he did not have any guards against Old Xia.

What surprised him the most was that Old Xia had noticed the peculiarities of the “Lucky Coin” the first time she encountered it in Nana’s room in Tongshi Town.

Normally, as Xiang Kun previously deduced, for others to establish a connection with his “super-connected objects” or “emotion infused objects”, apart from his approval, the primary condition is a sufficient amount of trust in him and a willingness to believe in the specialty of the Lucky Coin.

When he gave Old Xia the black circle graffiti, she already obtained his conscious approval and, therefore, the “go-ahead” to access his “network”.

However, when Old Xia first noticed that the “super-connected object”, the coin, might have been peculiar, she didn’t even know yet that it was given by Xiang Kun to Nana. Only when she knew this fact and thought more carefully, comparing with other coins, did she become increasingly certain that her perception wasn’t an illusion.

Xiang Kun speculated that his “super-connected objects” and “emotion infused objects” had some existence modes that coincidentally overlapped with the way Old Xia perceives and thinks about things.

After closing the book, Xiang Kun opened that file envelope.

There wasn’t much information inside, just her own medical records. The relevant contents in the PDF were scanned from these, but they were all photocopied or photographed and printed versions, not the original ones. Needless to say, she didn’t directly obtain these from Dr. Li.

After putting all the medical records away, Xiang Kun put the black softcover book on his knees, paused for a while then slowly said, “Actually, my situation is pretty simple,…”