What It's Like Being a Vampire

Upon getting into the car with the eight-armed, eight-eyed wood carving, Feng Xiuye gave an address. The driver immediately set out, knowing the route like the back of his hand.

They got onto the highway, exited, then drove up a mountain road for over two hours.

At first, Feng Xiuye casually put the wood carving next to him while he sat in the backseat. But he found his eyes constantly drawn to it, and he couldn’t help but think of the ghastly eight-armed, eight-eyed creature from the dream. Eventually, he took off his coat and covered it up.

Only when he saw through the car window a small, unobtrusive temple outside, he finally relaxed a little and picked up the jacket-covered wood carving to get off the car.

The temple seemed to be lacking in worshippers, so much that it could be called deserted. It was three in the afternoon, but there wasn’t a single pilgrim to be seen, and no one attended to the entrance.

Feng Xiuye didn’t care. He entered the main gate with the driver, walked along the corridor beside the main hall into the backyard, and headed towards the second room on the right.

The door to the room was wide open. Inside, a man whose age was indistinct, casually wearing Taoist robes and sport shorts exposing his hairy legs, was playing Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice on a TV with a controller in hand.

“Master Niu?” Feng Xiuye called out. Seeing a Taoist priest playing a PSI* in a Taoist temple didn’t surprise him at all — because he was the one who had gifted the PS4.

Master Niu paused his game, turned around and saw Feng Xiuye. He smiled and said, “Huh? What brings you here today, Boss Feng?” The man had a full beard and a bun on his head, making him look somewhat untidy.

Feng Xiuye knew, for all its small size and despite Master Niu appearing rather unfashionable, this place had a rather good income. He knew of several big bosses who often invited him to evaluate the architecture and layout of their houses and properties.

He had once suggested making a donation to renovate the temple, expanding along the central axis, constructing more courtyards, erecting more main halls, and at least building the Jade Emperor Palace, Nine Emperors Palace, Dong Yuedian, and Xiyuedian, since the vacant land next to it belonged to the temple as well, but he was firmly refused by Master Niu.

The reasoning was that having too many worshippers would make the temple hard to clean and would be too much trouble to manage.

Reading between the lines, Feng Xiuye understood this to mean that Master Niu was afraid he’d end up with too much work and wouldn’t have time to play video games…

However, Master Niu’s professional capabilities were indeed exceptional. When he evaluated the architectural layout, he would meticulously explain why certain things should be placed in certain locations, including the theories and the principles within. He could quote texts from Taoist classics at will and if you didn’t understand, he would explain it with simple language, and even explain the differences between Taoism and being a Taoist, the characteristics of Quanzhen and Zhengyi branches, etc.

In short, after getting an architectural evaluation from Master Niu, wherever Feng Xiuye bought a property, he always felt compelled to have him come and evaluate it, even though his services weren’t cheap.

“Master Niu, I think I’ve encountered some weird stuff.” Feng Xiuye said, and took out the wood carving that had been wrapped in his clothes.

Master Niu took the wood carving and examined it for a while, then asked,

“What happened?”

Feng Xiuye turned to the driver, who had followed him over and was standing by the door, and said, “You wait for me in the car.”

When the room was only left with him and Master Niu, he detailed everything that happened in his afternoon dream. Unlike the vague descriptions he gave to his father, he explained everything to Master Niu in great detail, including his feelings at the time, the detailed depiction of the eight-armed, eight-eyed monster, and the subsequent changes to his body, etc.

Master Niu listened attentively without interrupting, playing with the wood carving while squinting his eyes at Feng Xiuye. When he finished speaking, Master Niu spoke, “Boss Feng, you drank at noon, didn’t you?”

Feng Xiuye was startled, then nodded. Master Niu: “Can I see your tongue?”

Feng Xiuye stuck out his tongue as required. Master Niu: “Stretch out your left hand.”

Feng Xiuye reached out his left hand.

Master Niu placed his three fingers on his left wrist, then said, “Now the right hand. ”

After he also felt the pulse in Feng Xiuye’s right wrist, Taoist Master Niu asked,

“Have you been indulging in any improper behaviors recently?”

Feng Xiuye naturally knew what Master Niu meant. But hearing these words out of his mouth still felt strange, so he humbly nodded, “A few times.”

Master Niu said, “My advice, try to get to a hospital for a check-up soon. Just get a blood test at dermatology, it’s simple, but go to a reputable tier-three hospital. I recommend ** hospital, their dermatology department is top-tier nationally. Also, show some restraint in certain aspects, maintain regular habits and diet, exercise more, interact more with family and friends, and keep an optimistic mindset.”

“Huh?” Feng Xiuye was a little confused, he stared blankly at the eight-armed, eight-eyed wood carving in Taoist Master Niu’s hand, asking, “Then… what about this wood carving…”

Master Niu explained, “People’s dreams stem from themselves, triggered by emotions. The so-called external evil influences only have the ability to stir your emotions, not to cause nightmares. So in my judgment, the root of the problem still lies in you. As for this wood carving, look at these arms, this bald head… I think after seeing the wood carving, you perceived certain parts of it to resemble something, coupled with the fact that you had just been drinking and were emotionally unstable, you were influenced and began to associate.”

Feng Xiuye was dumbfounded. After a while, he finally reacted and said anxiously, “I had the dream first and saw the wood carving only after I woke

Master Niu asked in return, “You mentioned that the stand where the wood carving was placed could be seen as soon as you stepped in the door, right?”

Feng Xiuye reflected for a moment before nodding, “Yeah, that’s true. But when

I walked in today, I wasn’t paying attention to that wood carving.”

Master Niu stroked his beard and said, “What we are able to see is actually much more than we think. You believe you didn’t notice it, but in fact, your subconscious mind has already imprinted its image on your brain.”

Pausing for a moment, as if remembering something, Master Niu shook his head and said, “Nevermind, I’m not an expert in this field. If you still have regular nightmares after adjusting your daily routine and finding no health issues, you should go to ** Hospital for a psychological consultation, or find a licensed psychotherapist to insight. The psychiatric department of ** Hospital is very good, internationally leading. It’s worth going for a check-up.”

Feng Xiuye didn’t know what to say, he looked at the bearded Master Niu with a complicated expression on his face.

Noticing his confusion, Master Niu said, “Every craft has its mastery. If you ask me to observe architectural patterns or environmental layouts, I’ll be duty-bound to help. But these clearly seem to be physical and mental issues, so it’s better to consult more professional people.”

“What era is this? Anything and everything shouldn’t be left to us monks. Do not conceal illnesses, if you need to see a doctor, see a doctor!”

“In the past, we monks had to learn everything and help treat sickness because it wasn’t convenient for ordinary people to see a doctor. Now it’s different. ‘l’nose aoctors ancl experts, most or tnelr lite revolves around stuaymg a certain type of disease. They are certainly more professional than us.”

Feng Xiuye felt perplexed. It seemed contradictory coming from a guru well versed in geomancy, yet it somehow made sense. Moreover, it didn’t feel like the guru’s image was damaged at all.

“Master Niu’s ideas are indeed… refreshing.”

“Taoism emphasizes natural law, both Yi Jing and Bagua adhere to natural law, and physics and chemistry too. It’s not that new things are always better, and it’s not that old things can never change. Everything depends on results. Don’t we all need to keep up with the times?” As Master Niu spoke, he held up the wood carving and said, “But this wood carving is truly interesting. I quite like it. If you think it’s an eyesore, why not give it to me? Or sell it to me? I’ll pay

500 yuan…”

“Uh, it belongs to my father. Without his permission, I wouldn’t dare to give it away,” Feng Xiuye hurriedly responded.

“Oh, I see.” Master Niu nodded indifferently, not too concerned. He handed the wood carving back to Feng Xiuye, “Actually, this wood carving is very interesting. Ah, Mr. Feng, please go to the hospital for a check-up as soon as possible. ”

After leaving Master Niu’s house and standing in front of the great hall, Feng Xiuye still felt a little dazed. He massaged his temples and noticed a couplet on the doorpost nearby:

“A perverse heart brings no benefits, even when one tries to make offerings; One stands upright, what harm does not bowing cause?”

Looking down at the wood carving in his hand, he couldn’t help but wonder if he was overthinking it?

What Taoist Master Niu said did make sense. If concerned about one’s health, going for a check-up would be the safest bet. As such, he secretly decided to have a full body check-up the next day, including a blood draw at the dermatology clinic…

Then, he would distance himself from a few girlfriends and behave while traveling. He believed that for a short while, just the memory of the dreadful nightmare and the eerie eight-armed, eight-eyed creature would be enough to suppress his desires.

However, once back in the car, Feng Xiuye couldn’t help making a phone call to his father.

“Dad, have you also been having nightmares? Nightmares associated with that wood carving?” Feng Xiuye’s question was straightforward, he knew there must be a reason, otherwise his father wouldn’t have silently allowed him to take the wood carving away.

“Isn’t having an occasional nightmare quite normal? Don’t make a fuss.” Mr. Feng’s tone was somewhat impatient.

But Feng Xiuye got the hint—his father had also dreamt about the eight-armed, eight-eyed wood carving!

“Dad, isn’t it just that I’m worried about Nana? The friend she knows, she didn’t get involved with something unclean, did she…”

“Unclean, my foot! Don’t lose that wood carving, return it in two days, that’s it.” Mr. Feng seemed a bit annoyed and hung up the phone.

Feng Xiuye thought for a moment, then dialed Tang Baona, “Nana, I visited your grandfather’s home this afternoon, yes, your grandpa is in good health. By the way, I saw a wood carving with eight arms and eight eyes. I heard it’s made by your friend? Oh, it was indeed carved by him? Has he carved anything else? Birthday present? What kind of it? What… Sephiroth? Oh, an anime character… By the way, how have you been sleeping recently, have you had any nightmares or anything? Don’t worry, I was just casually asking. Nothing, huh?

Oh, that’s good…”

After hanging up the phone, Feng Xiuye was still a little uneasy, so he decided to prepare for all eventualities.. He looked up at the driver who was driving and asked, “Old King, you mentioned earlier about a guru who had a knack for exorcisms, where was he again?”