Life, Once Again!

She looked at Maru waiting in front of the building and then thought about Seungah and Jichan who were waiting upstairs.

If she lost her relationship with them….

Dawoon felt her breathing quicken. Na Baekhoon had already semi-given up on her. She had become distant from Nayeon as well.

She also cut all contact with her friends ever since she started her work in the entertainment industry. After all, those that were suited to be friends with the actress Jung Dawoon were not ordinary civilians, but future stars.

If she was abandoned by herself here, she would become truly alone.

Dawoon felt her eyes darken. Now that the situation came to this, she was finally able to see herself objectively. She was in need of help right now. She couldn’t do anything by herself. To consolidate her position as an actress, and for the person known as Jung Dawoon to be herself…

Yet, Maru’s eyes were tossing away all of her emotions. He would never hear her out no matter what she had to say.

Was he really the same person as the oppa she knew? She suddenly felt afraid of everything now. The Maru in front of her was scary, and she became fearful of losing all of her relationships.

Even her head, which always produced answers quickly, had screeched to a halt ever since Maru passed his sentence. She couldn’t grasp what she had to do at all.

“I don’t want to go back to before,” she barely managed to squeeze out those words. Those words were genuine, without any filtering.

“Dawoon,” said Maru.

“Yes?”

“You have two choices ahead of you. One is to just walk away like this. If you do, then I’ll go back up and tell the two of them everything that happened.”

“No!”

“Then there’s a second choice. You go up and tell them yourself.”

“That’s….”

“I don’t really care what happens to you. But, Seungah should be different. She used to cherish you after all. You go up and tell her everything and wait for her answer.”

“Jichan oppa is there too.”

“That guy should be in the know too. He’ll hear about it from Miss Nayeon later anyway. It’s just a matter of time.”

“Everyone will hate me if I tell them. I’ll be treated like trash.”

“If you knew that, then you should’ve done better since the beginning or hid it well so that no one ever found out. There’s one thing I’ve realized over my life, and it’s that lying is multiple times harder than telling the truth. It might be easier for the time being but lies gain mass the more you make them. Eventually, there comes a point where you can’t handle it. At that point, you aren’t lying for the sake of yourself and are moving for the sake of lying. Dawoon, how about you? From how I see it, you should still be able to move around right now.”

Maru approached her.

“If you go up and tell them, I am willing to help you out a little.”

“Sorry?”

“Isn’t what you want a decent relationship with the others? People who can become your footholds so that you can climb higher.”

Just how much did he see through? She felt her body shrinking back. She really wished to just close her eyes and smack her head on the ground. She wanted to get away from those eyes that peered at everything inside her. However, she could not.

Maru’s words were frightening yet also enticing. He sounded like he wanted to give her what she wanted. How could she possibly refuse?

“Are you forgiving me?”

“No, that’s for Seungah to do. I’m just giving you an offer. What do you want to do? Would you like to go up together and tell them the truth? Or are you going to walk away right now?”

She was given a choice, but there was only one thing she could choose. Dawoon calmed her breathing and nodded.

“I’ll go with you.”

“Calm down and watch your tone of words.”

Maru turned around. She stroked her neck with her own hands. She felt like an invisible rope was strangling her.

* * *

“Unni.”

“Dawoon, let’s talk next time. I don’t feel like it today. Oppa, I’m sorry, I’ll be leaving first. Maru, I hope you stay well too.”

Seungah left. Dawoon got her bag and followed her out.

“Was it a mistake on my part to gather everyone? This wasn’t what I had in mind,” Jichan said, his expression looking dazed.

Maru put a piece of sashimi in his mouth.

“You can still eat in an atmosphere like this?”

“It’s nothing all that serious, so you should eat as well. It’s a waste of money.”

He picked up some sushi and placed it on Jichan\'s plate.

Jichan shook his head before pressing between his eyebrows.

“They say people’s hearts are unpredictable, but I really didn’t know Dawoon would do something like that to Seungah.”

“She’s bad enough to receive psychotherapy, and all those things had to happen on top of that.”

“And the source of ‘all those things’ is you.”

“I can’t really be called the source. I’ve never acted like I’m single, and I’ve never given her any room.”

“That’s true. No, let’s just say it’s your fault. So what’s gonna happen to those two? Even I would feel terrible in that situation. I heard they were close enough that they were stuck together at their acting school, but Dawoon turned out to be talking behind Seungah’s back the whole time.”

“I’m sure Seungah will take care of herself. Even if she perfectly understands and forgives Dawoon, it should be hard to treat her the same as before.”

Jichan sighed before eating some sushi.

“I thought you weren’t going to eat?”

“I’m eating because I’m frustrated. What about it?”

Maru smiled and poured some sake into a flat glass.

“What are you going to do?”

“About what?”

“About Dawoon.”

“What do you want to do, hyung?”

“I, of course, want to get along with everyone.”

“So that depends on how Seungah responds, huh?”

“I guess so.”

Maru took a sip of the sake before speaking,

“I’m going to just stay moderately close like we’re now.”

“Like we’re now?”

“Yes. That’s much easier for me. The four of us met a few times calling it a meeting, but we never exchanged anything deep. Dawoon is different from Seungah and you. Even if she stays twisted, I don’t really care for her that much. We’ll just meet up every once in a while and talk about recent matters before splitting up with a smile.”

“At times like this, you sound totally cold-bodied.”

“You mean cold-blooded?”

“Same thing.”

Jichan drank some sake. He frowned a little before speaking,

“But you know. Do you think it’s true that she did it because she was mentally ill? From what I saw, it didn’t look like she had any problems at all. It’s rather sudden that she started receiving psychotherapy.”

Maru put down his chopsticks. This older guy wasn’t just a good-natured, all-laughs kind of guy. He was someone who had survived the entertainment industry until he was nearly thirty. There was no way he was not quick-witted. He must of course think that Dawoon’s words were only a form of escapism.

“Everyone now knows what happened, so there’s no need to fuss over the details now. It doesn’t change the fact that Dawoon was in the wrong.”

“I could understand if Dawoon did it because she was mentally sick, but if she wasn’t, it feels a little iffy.”

Maru just shrugged. This much was enough for helping Dawoon out. He wouldn’t say anything that would influence his judgment.

“I was just thinking that it was nice to have made some friends I could chat with comfortably, too.”

“You can meet them comfortably if you still want.”

“Would Dawoon come even if we call her again?”

“I say she would. She’ll act like nothing happened.”

“That sounds scary in its own way.”

“People are all similar. Even I have things that I couldn’t tell you, and I’m sure you must have things you can’t tell me. In the case of Dawoon, her secret was just exposed.”

“If you’re ever going to swear at me, then say it to my face. That’ll be a lot easier for me.”

“Do I look like someone who’d talk behind your back?”

“No, you’re someone who would say it straight to my face even if it means calling me out.”

Jichan bumped his fist against Maru’s shoulder.

“How about you just quietly bury everything under the rug? Wasn’t that an option? Without creating a fuss like this?”

“I thought about that too, but looking at the way things were going, I thought that bringing about a proper closure was the right thing to do. Honestly speaking, people like Dawoon scare me the most.”

“She does?”

“Yes,” Maru said as he took out an abalone from a shell. “Most people are different on the inside and the outside. If there’s really someone who’s consistent, then that must be something other than human. I can understand lying and saying nonsense. In fact, I’d be more relieved to see people do so.”

“That was what Dawoon was doing though.”

“It might look the same, but it’s different. She takes action. She’s different from those who are all talk. I guess you can call it a skill to just do things without looking back, but sometimes the consequences are not what I can manage if they go in a weird direction.”

“And?”

“For people like her, you can’t take away everything they have. Even if they have a lot of things left in their hands, they take action in order to regain the thing they lost right in front of their eyes, sometimes taking extreme actions to do so.”

Maru thought back to the numerous people that drove him to his death. It was the same with the third-generation chaebol that caused a traffic accident in his previous life.

He had many things in his hands, but when he lost one thing he held dear, he would put everything aside and attack.

Dawoon’s eyes contained that near-lunacy levels of obsession. It was a foolish thing to drive a woman who would run amok to the edge of a cliff.

It was fine giving her a scare. Dawoon would now crouch down to not lose the things she had in her hands.

“You got badly hurt by someone before, huh?”

“Hasn’t everyone? I’m sure you were too.”

“I was. But I’m not at the level where I can say it so calmly like you’re doing now. I still feel extremely angry if I think about it now.”

“Time will solve that.”

“Why don’t you be my big brother instead?”

Jichan held out his glass. Maru toasted with him, making a sound with his mouth.

“I guess we can just meet up every once in a while to eat together. I’ll just call you or Seungah out separately when I want someone to talk to.”

“Don’t you have any friends?”

“I don’t. Satisfied?”

“I do.”

“Good for you, prick.”

Maru smiled and took a swig.

* * *

“How much for these gloves?”

“It’s ten thousand won, but just give me five.”

Maru handed the old lady the money. He headed home with the gloves in a plastic bag.

It snowed for the first time this year a few days ago, and the shades of the parking lot still had some residual snow left. A large snowman that someone made was also semi-collapsed but was still there.

“Geez, it’s cold,” Maru said as he opened the front door.

Haneul, who was in the kitchen, took off her rubber gloves and came over.

“It’s winter after all. What’s that in your hand?”

“A gift.”

He took out the gloves from the plastic bag. His wife asked as she looked at her sleek leather gloves,

“Where did you buy them?”

“At a department store.”

“Don’t even try to lie to me. It’s obviously street-bought. Ten thousand?”

“Five.”

“That’s a good deal.”

His wife smiled and tried the gloves. They fit her perfectly.

“Thanks for these. I was in need of a pair too.”

“Did you do well at the shoot?” Maru asked as he sat at the table.

The movie shoot that his wife was supposed to start at the start of autumn was delayed by three months. It was fortunate that the shoot was done on a set.

“For the shoot, I did pretty well. But wearing wires after all these years almost killed me.”

“Good work shooting an action movie.”

“You’re going to get washed after you eat, right?”

“I plan to.”

While his wife scooped up some soup, Maru got the rice from the rice cooker.

“When did you say your movie premieres?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Then you should get your hair done. Should I touch it up for you?”

“I’d love it if you do.”

She asked as she picked up her spoon,

“How did it look during the internal premiere?”

“There are a few things that caught my eye, but as long as it’s edited well, it should be pretty decent.”

“Oh, pretty decent, you say? That’s a great compliment coming from you.” She smiled.

Maru spoke before he started eating,

“I just have to hope that my eyes aren’t too terrible.”