Life, Once Again!

Gaeul increased the radio volume a little. The icy snow hitting the car bonnet was pretty loud.

-What a heartwarming story. But I personally don’t like the word affection. In its purest meaning, it’s of course something to be welcomed, but the usage of that word in the current era makes me feel disgusted instead. Recently, there was an incident where a business owner hired many people for less than minimum wage for years before getting caught. In the interview, that business owner said that he did it because of affection and because they all felt like family. Affection can be a scary thing.

She ended up focusing on the radio, which she turned on in order to chase sleep away. She agreed with the emcee’s words somewhat. It was true that many people used ‘affection’ as an excuse for their deficiencies.

-Now that we’re at it, I think that we should honestly and seriously think about emotions such as affection and love. When someone asks us to do something too much for us while mentioning affection or love, we just smile it off, thinking that we may seem heartless if we refuse such a thing. At times like that, we should really take our time to think about it; we have to think about whether it’s actually something we can smile off or not. Most of the time, requests based on affection or love are unjust or unfair. The asker also knows that and that’s why they put forward sensitive emotions.

Gaeul thought that the DJ was right. It might be difficult at first, but a clear refusal would be beneficial for both parties.

-I got a text already: I agree with you to a certain extent, DJ Seok, but if you truly love each other, you should be able to endure. Well, that’s true. If you like or love someone, you should be able to endure a little bit of injustice. I’m not saying that those who think like that are wrong. However, you’re missing an important point. The emotional threshold varies from person to person. The listener who just sent this text right now may be able to endure it and smile it off, but that may not be true for your partner. People have the tendency to neglect the people they become close to. They would act carefully and politely in their first meeting, but as they become closer, they start acting however they want. That’s why I sometimes wonder whether I’ve done anything unpleasant to the person I’m talking to. I especially think a lot about this if it’s someone close to me. Call me cold, but I’m going to continue living this way.

After the DJ’s commentary, a song followed up. Those words left behind a lot of food for thought. Did you not neglect your close ones? Did you not coerce your lovers under the name of love?

By the time the song ended, she arrived in Ulsan. It was 5 a.m. At around 3, she suddenly had the urge to sleep, and thus she had a light nap after parking her car on the side of the highway, and perhaps thanks to that, she felt clear-headed. She drove to the hotel where Maru was staying. She originally decided to look for a hotel she could check in during the night but then decided to wait in the car. She sometimes had to wait over 8 hours in a van, so it shouldn’t be that difficult.

She parked her car at a paid parking lot near the hotel. She undid her seatbelt and pushed the backrest down. When she stretched her tired arms and legs, she subconsciously groaned. She turned her phone back on. She saw many missed calls, which were all from Maru. Even her business phone had Maru’s name on it. He shouldn’t be worried or mad that she didn’t pick up, right? — she set the alarm for 9 and closed her eyes, planning to call him calmly once she woke up, saying that she wasn’t able to pick up because she was too tired.

Gaeul breathed regularly for a while before sitting up. She couldn’t fall asleep. She opened the door and left the car. Rather than waiting for sleep which had no signs of coming, she decided to take a walk instead. She walked towards the hotel where Maru should be sleeping and bought a cup of coffee at a 24-hour café. Thanks to the combination of the cold wind and the caffeine, her drowsiness went away for a while.

What should she say when she sees him? — she chuckled by herself in front of the hotel. She had not pulled off a prank like this ever since middle school. She felt like she was secretly visiting a friend’s house and calling them out to play. She grabbed the cup with both of her hands and prayed for time to pass quickly as she kept walking down the road, when,

“Han Gaeul?”

She almost lost her grip on the cup when she heard the voice coming from behind. It was a familiar voice; it was a voice she didn’t want to hear in a place like this. She turned around to check. Kang Giwoo, looking tired, was in front of the hotel.

“Why are you here?”

Before confusion was able to take root, she felt furious first. Why was this guy here? She suddenly recalled Maru’s series of calls. Did he do that not to have a chat at the end of the day, but to tell her that Kang Giwoo was next to him? When she thought about it, calling three or four times in a row was something that Maru wouldn’t usually do. Had he known that she was coming down to Ulsan, it wouldn’t have ended with just three either.

Giwoo smiled welcomingly and climbed down the stairs.

“I’m here because I have a shoot.”

“A shoot?”

“Oh, you don’t know about it yet. I’m going to be participating in director Park Joongjin’s new work. I barely managed to squeeze in since I’ve always wanted to work with him.”

“You’re in director Park Joongjin’s piece?”

“I’m just a minor character who doesn’t have a lot of scenes. I wanted to play the lead or sub roles, but those had been decided already. Maru’s in this hotel too,” Giwoo said as he looked up at the hotel.

Gaeul’s lips twitched. Was it a pure coincidence that they met here? Considering that, it was quite unfortunate. It might have been better to wait in the car.

“What about you?”

“I’m also here because of the shoot.”

“Shoot? Are you also participating in director Park’s work?”

Giwoo took a step closer. Gaeul pulled her chin inwards and glanced at Giwoo who was approaching her, with the intent that she would not stay still if he came any closer.

“You don’t have to glare at me like that. It’s not like I did anything.”

Giwoo made a sour expression. He, who usually had meticulous control over his expressions, looked completely defenseless today. His attitude showed that he had no intentions of hiding his thoughts. It probably wasn’t just her who thought that he looked more dangerous than normal.

“You have a history. I don’t do this to just anyone.”

“I’m sorry about what happened back then.”

“And proper people don’t do things that they would have to apologize for multiple times.”

One of Giwoo’s eyes twitched. When she had a closer look, she found that his eyes were red. It seemed that he had barely any sleep, or perhaps, he could’ve been awake throughout the whole night.

“Gaeul, I don’t want to be preached to by you of all people. Can’t you just treat me nicely? You smile a lot. You talk to other people perfectly fine too. But why not me? Why are you so wary whenever you see me?”

“Do I really have to go through the trouble of saying it? If you’re really curious, you shouldn’t be here talking to me. Go back to your room and think about it while staring at a wall. Then you’ll easily find out why I’m doing this to you.”

“Han Gaeul. Don’t talk like that to me. I’m really tired today.”

Giwoo vexingly brushed his hair with his hand. He easily took another step towards her as though he had forgotten her warning. Gaeul frowned. This guy was reckless. She took a step back because she didn’t want to get involved with him. Did he forget that neither of them would be well off if they caused a commotion here? The scheming Kang Giwoo of usual would be better for a situation like this. At least that way, he would’ve kept his politeness.

“Why am I no good?”

“Kang Giwoo, don’t tell me you’re drunk?”

Was the redness in his eyes because he was drunk? Giwoo chuckled.

“Answer me. Why am I no good? Was grabbing your hand such a big crime?”

“If you’re drunk, then go to your room and sleep, or walk around the neighborhood and get yourself together. If you show yourself like this in front of other people, you’ll easily smash the good image you’ve built until now. You’re in such a terrible state that I have to tell you this.”

“Image, huh? Yeah, image is important. Because of that goddamned image, I had to smile at that prick multiple times. I thought my lips were going to be ripped apart, trying to smile in front of that fucker.”

“I have no intention of listening to your grumbles.”

Giwoo rubbed his forehead.

“What I’m saying is grumbling, but that prick Han Maru’s words are whispers of love?”

Gaeul subdued her expression and spoke,

“Why are you telling that to me? He and I are nothing now.”

He clearly wasn’t in the right state of mind. Did he forget that Han Maru and Han Gaeul had ‘broken’ up? Giwoo widened his eyes. Even the white of his eyes looked red as if they were on fire.

“Nothing?”

“Yes. You should know about it.”

“That you two broke up?”

Giwoo’s lips became viciously twisted. ‘Smiling furiously’ might be an apt description of such a face.

“So I’m nothing but a toy, just an interesting toy for the two of you. You broke up, huh, right, broke up.”

“What are you trying to get at?”

“If you’re saying this while knowing about it, then congratulations, you succeeded. This is the first time I felt like this ever since that time. I feel like I became truly stupid.”

After saying those words, Kang Giwoo laughed like a maniac. The sunken early morning air was shaken by it. Gaeul was thankful that there was no one around here. If there were people… she didn’t even want to think about it.

“If you’re going to do something crazy, do it by yourself. Don’t drag other people into it.”

Giwoo stopped laughing and stood up straight.

“Han Gaeul, if you truly broke up, can you give me another opportunity?”

“Opportunity?”

“I’ve never thought that it was embarrassing to say something like this, but it’s really difficult to say it to you. I like you. I love you. If you didn’t like my actions until now, I’ll apologize. Just once, give me a chance just once. The chance you gave to Han Maru. Just one more time.”

She didn’t even feel the need to speak. Gaeul glared at Giwoo before turning around.

“Han Maru told me that you two are still dating.”

Just as she was about to leave, Gaeul turned back around when she heard what he said. She felt like a block of ice had touched her skin. Giwoo had climbed up the stairs and was opening the hotel door. Gaeul could not take her eyes off the side of his face. His lips, pointing towards the ground, made him look like he was fed up with everything in the world.