I Don’t Want To Be An Ojakgyo

"If you\'re like the other women who couldn\'t forget it, it\'s not a bad idea to just jump from here right now."

When part of the stairs finally collapsed and Sdiha fell backwards and almost fell to his death, Shuraina quickly caught him by his collar and prevented him from falling.

Sdiha snickered as he looked at Shuraina\'s bewildered state.

"If you think you can make a clean break, take the stairs over there and run. Here, your bag."

Unlike someone who was about to die just moments earlier, he calmly handed Shuraina her bag–he had secretly taken it out earlier.

"You look stunned? It looks like you don\'t believe me. I\'m telling you, Yves is using you right now. Think about all of the things that you got Yves in the name of love."

He saw Shuraina, completely calm and devoid of any reaction, and thought that she didn\'t get it yet. Or maybe she was trying to run from the present? So he asked her a question to get her to focus on the truth. But the response he got was something he didn\'t expect.

"A fox….plush?"

"What? Why would he take something so useless? Were the eyes made of giant diamonds or something?"

"I won it off of a game."

"…..a gaaaaame? Why would he waste time on something like a game when he treats efficiency like life or death? Was it gambling?"

Shuraina furiously shook her head at the last question. It was a strength-based game where you had to smash a brick with your head.

"Yves never whispered love to me, not even once. I knew he had mysophobia, but I\'ve never heard of him not liking touch. He seems to really enjoy it?"

Shuraina thought about how he had kissed her sleeping self. She had woken up in the middle of the kiss, and she didn\'t really remember but she thought her eyes had met his during the kiss. She could\'ve gotten angry and demanded to know what he was doing, but he seemed so sad and desperate that she had just closed her eyes.

"He\'s never handed me a knife or sword of any kind, too. Although I have seen him chopping vegetables with a knife for an omelette today."

"……?"

Sdiha\'s expression grew more and more twisted as Shuraina recounted the Yvnes that she saw. Did this child see hallucinations? Then that\'s even worse.

"Thanks for your story."

This was the situation. Yvnes knew that this Sdiha person was going to have a conversation with her, and had a brief understanding of what the conversation was going to entail. Yves probably also knew that she would choose Sdiha from the list of designers, too. No, he made it so that Sdiha was the only valid option through the various requests he had provided.

He looked maniacal but it was true that Sdiha had a soft spot, and he tried to help in his own way. Yves used Sdiha\'s personality to try and express something to her without doing it himself.

"I didn\'t see him like that, but I guess he\'s a coward. Seeing how this is how he\'s going about things."

Yvnes cared greatly for Shuraina, and Shuraina also cared for Yvnes. It was a relationship born from pity.

"It definitely looks like there\'s something twisted about him somewhere."

But Shuraina thought that humans were twisted from the moment they were born. Everyone was evil and cruel and dirty and unsightly. So was she. But through efforts and hard work, they could show bits and pieces or show everything. And based on those skills, people could look kind or evil.

She knew that Yves was someone with a lot of grudges being him. Even based on Sdiha\'s tales, Yves was trash so far down the pile that he was rancid.

But he had become a horrible person in order to survive, and he had hurt others and dragged them down and made them horrible as well. And like that, the trash in this world would spread like a disease, and it would reach the original person again and they would hurt someone else again and….. Repeat ad nauseum. Something kind of like the DuBois\' time loop.

Yvnes was later able to stand his scars and repent, paying for his past and the things he had done. It seemed like he was still being chased by those he had wronged in the past, but he admitted his wrongdoings and quietly accepted it.

His life had only consisted of hurting others, so he just didn\'t have the courage to love. Yves thought that he wasn\'t worthy of love.

But. Still. In the end. Regardless.

"You\'ve loved me, Yvnes."

Shuraina smiled bitterly as she stretched out a hand towards Sdiha. She removed the listening device near his collar. The device was still blinking as it continued to work.

Shuraina put her lips near the device.

"I listened to your confession well."

Her voice shook from the complicated emotions. And with that, Shuraina crushed the device in her hand.

This entire thing was Yves\' cowardly attempt to beg for love.

Shhhhhhhhh. Rain was still pouring down. The streets were empty. Everyone had returned home to escape the downpour. There was a white cast of rain no matter where you looked. Everything was cold and blue. The air wasn\'t just damp–it was wet.

Two people walked down the empty road. It was Yvnes and Shuraina, both of whom had just left Sdiha\'s workshop. Both of them were drenched to the bone from a lack of umbrella, but none of them seemed to care. Yves placed an umbrella above Shuraina\'s head, but she rejected it. When she just walked forwards in the pouring rain, Yves folded the umbrella and began walking, too. Then he followed her.

"You asked me about my type today morning, right?"

Shuraina said as she stared at her hair, clothes, and shoes become wetter by the second.

With that one statement, Shuraina clamped her mouth shut once more. She walked a few more steps before speaking again.

"I like people who are honest, Yvnes."

"….."

"Yvnes Lunaasha>"

She trudged a few more steps and stopped directly under a streetlight. The magic in the light seemed to be dying–the light was flickering slightly. Tak. When that light died, the world became a bit more blue.

"Do you want to pull me in to you? Or do you want to push me away?"

Her voice sounded just like the falling rain. It sounded angry and sad at the same time. Her voice shook.

"……"

When Shuraina stopped walking, so did Yves. When she turned her body to stare at Yves, he avoided her gaze. When she took one step closer, he stepped back. He licked his lips, trying to say something, but soon clamped his mouth shut.

He carefully stretched out his hand and put it on Shuraina\'s hand. He thought she was going to push it away, but Shuraina patiently stood there. He held her small, delicate yet steadfast hands. Instead of giving her a proper response, he just held her tight.

Shuraina just stared blankly at her hand in his. His hand was long, pale and delicate.

Just like when they had walked this road earlier, they held hands as they returned. A thick silence, just like before, stayed between the two. But unlike before, they were now holding hands. That was the only difference, but a more comfortable air hung between the two.

Shuraina raised her head in search of the moon. She frowned as she began to speak.

"Regardless of what Sdiha said, I already pity you enough, Yves. You know that\'s why I\'m staying with you, right?"

"I know."

"What do you know? That\'s a lie."

Shuraina closed her eyes under the rain and burst into laughter.

"The struggles you\'ve lived through have nothing to do with me. It\'s true that when I first met you, I accepted you with pity, but I accepted you later because I enjoyed the time we spent together. Trying to gain my attention by acting pitiful hasn\'t worked for a long time now."

"……"

"It looked like you misunderstood the situation, so I wanted to tell you how I really felt."

She turned to look at Yves. Yves, from some point in time, had been staring at her. Their eyes met. Shuraina didn\'t get angry or shake in fear or yell–she just calmly spoke.

"If I want you to become honest, then I should be too."

She stopped walking and stretched out her hand towards Yves\' cheek.

"Being hugged isn\'t that bad. It feels warm and nice sometimes."

Yves noticed that her hand was shaking. He placed his hand on hers. When he saw that Shuraina\'s shoulders were hunched in and shaking slightly, Yves\' eyes grew wider in bewilderment.

"It\'s scary when someone you think you know well suddenly feels distant. Your actions earlier made me feel sick to my stomach. If you were trying to push me away, you failed. And if you were trying to pull me towards you, you failed too."

Yves gulped. "So….." He spit out the first syllable. Then, he inhaled again. "Sorry." He gazed at Shuraina, whose shoulders were shaking as she stared at the floor. Yves hated himself for putting Shuraina into a corner. He despised himself. But now, he desperately needed Shuraina. Her request to be honest rang in his ears alongside the pouring rain.

"We can\'t even betray each other. You enjoy the bond we have."